Step 7 – Partnering the Mystery - Opening Up
Living a grounded spiritual life is easier when we have some reference points for the journey. Ancient cultures teach us ‘Life is the ultimate Mystery’ we won't always know where we are going and that’s OK. In the Nourishing Roots course we examine life as interconnected layers of BEING - physical, emotional, mental and spiritual. In this closing chapter Zoe shows how she refers to the different levels of her being as a mapping system to connect with her inside knowing.
As Zoe discovered ‘Opening Up’ is a day to day practice hugely supported by anchoring in the body. When our roots are down we are free to reach up and out. Supported by the stability of the deep essence of our being - our feminine power source - we can then navigate the emotional highs and lows of life. Grounded in the body it generally feels safer to open our Hearts to experience the LOVE that dwells there. Opening to the now moment supports us to live in the present where most often all is well. Living with our Hearts in now, naturally leads to feelings of connection, kindness, empathy, compassion and respect for ourselves and others.
Zoe’s story on Opening Up
There are many terms these days that people use when referring to this step – to open up, partnering with the mystery, being comfortable and flourishing in the unknown. Whatever we call it, for me, there are a few key elements that I relate to when I am doing this. Firstly, being open to the present moment, secondly being grounded and finally, being open to where things can go. What I also uncovered throughout this journey, is there are some key attributes that I know I can do to really support me, or not, to open up.
Open to the present moment
To be open to what is happening in the present moment, for me has a lot to do with my physical body. Whilst I am very active and have good emotional intelligence, what I realized is that for me to be in the present moment, I need to acknowledge and listen to my body. This initially came through yoga and meditation, which yoga is actually a form of meditation. Once I applied greater discipline with my yoga, being present would seep into my day to day activities as I became more mindful in all that I did. It was like I had an anchor point for the present moment – my physical body.
What led on from this was how I found I could be truly grounded. When I would listen to my body and for example, it’s aches, pains or the ease of movement or grace, I could acknowledge and connect with my emotions better. I would know if I was tense, anxious, upset, relaxed, at ease or whatever it was that I was feeling. By knowing my emotions better, I could then connect with my mental state better. I would know if I was feeling good in my body and emotions and then my mind and brain would be functioning well, and vice versa. My body gave me the messages and signals on what I could keep doing or stop doing to be my true and optimal self. Essentially, my physical, emotional and mental states were aligned.
Open to where things can go
When I had the three of the four aspects aligned – body, emotions, mind – this then allowed me to connect to the fourth aspect, my spirit. I was able to better connect with just ‘being’ and hear where I was being slightly pulled towards – that little feeling inside that says yes go there, do that, try that, etc. The intuition, the voice, the feeling – whatever it would be, I was able to hear it. During my meditations and yoga, I would somehow hear or feel my Grandfather, my parents or some sort of guidance or support – sometimes it felt external to me, sometimes it felt within me. It would give me in some way, metaphorically speaking a pat on the back or a hand on my back pushing me forward. What would then happen, is these aspects would then show up in my everyday life. My new home, my new whanau, the courage to keep going, the ability to just cry and let it out, the friend or stranger that would prop you up, the support you didn’t know you needed, the job opportunity … the list goes on. Things would fall into place and feel right and at the times they didn’t, then I’d feel a sense of, okay that’s fine, there is a lesson or learning here for me.
As I experienced opening up what I also found, is that I have key attributes which personally serve me well or not so well. The attributes that work are, being curious, exploring opportunities, and being in the moment allows being grounded which in turn gives the strength to be flexible. What I found that didn’t serve me so well was the ‘noise’ I’d create. For me, this shows up in going too fast – and yes that includes literally walking too fast, overloading myself with doing things which in turn is an overload of my mind and emotions, and finally, not listening to my physical body.
So, with the blog almost finished as I close on step 7, I’d like to say this experience is a linear one and I’ve graduated and that for ever after I will be my true self. It’s not the case, looking after and nurturing myself is a life long journey, one I’m open to partnering with. So, with 6 weeks short of 1 year since my intimate relationship ended with Luke, I think some people might want to hear I’m over him, I’ve moved on and I don’t think or miss him. However, that’s not the case and for me, I feel my feelings and do not squash them. I mean yes, I’ve moved on and he is not my partner anymore however, I will always have love in my heart for him, he is an amazing man and for a period of my life, he was my best friend and lover and if there was no domestic violence involved, I believe we would still be together. However, then again, if there was no domestic violence we may have never met either. Who knows, and it doesn’t serve me to consider what if scenarios of the past after the lessons have been learnt.
The past is a beautiful thing and I have no regrets and would not wish away Luke’s and my relationship, even if there was domestic violence, we had an amazing relationship too and we were very much in love and were very happy together too. I believe we are kindred spirits, someone who we were meant to meet to give one another something to make our lives full and even more amazing. Whilst the past is magical so is the present moment and so is the future. So it is with gratitude, love, growth, and abundance in my mind, body, spirit and emotions for myself, Luke, his family, and all those impacted by Domestic Violence, as well as those who are not, that I sign off with a heartfelt Aroha (love and compassion), Kia Kaha (be strong), korero aka (speak up), and mahi (take action).
Question for Partnering the Mystery – What’s my thinking upgrade?
The thinking upgrade that I’ve had is that irrespective of what goes on in our lives, we are all connected on some way shape or form. What we do or don’t do not only impacts ourselves and the people we interact with, but also all those that we haven’t met yet – our behaviour and actions set our standards and we are the sum of many parts in that our standards make up our community, society and country.
If I relate this to my experience of domestic violence that I have talked about throughout this blog, I believe we will continue to perpetuate domestic violence throughout the generations by:
· saying that the behavior is wrong and then turn our backs or turn our noses up at it.
· saying that it’s what my family did and not choose to change our behavior with the right support.
· by continuing to put unhelpful stereotypical labels on ‘man’ and ‘woman’ where they are not treated equal – and then projecting this conditioned thinking onto others.
· showing empathy and not compassion.
I believe its knowledge, action and compassion that will stop DV.
Compassion is the ability to be able to support someone effectively. The best support I would suggest if you encounter someone experiencing DV, is to listen, be safe and put them in contact with a DV expert.
When we realise we are all connected and that being compassionate to ourselves and others is the way to connect and support one another, we will continue to be an even greater place to be and live.
There is a lot of support out there for those experiencing domestic violence, so seek out the right support and keep going until you find it and then embrace it. This site is a good starting point and the teaching of the Nourishing Roots will fast track you to heal, grow and flourish.
We have shared this story to inspire people to recognise that self awareness is a powerful compass for navigating life changes. We wanted to shine a light on the challenges of domestic violence and offer a body centred pathway for healing and transformation that is steeped in compassion for self and others. Please feel free to share the content of this blog - Thank you. Together we can offer support for many.
For more information on the Nourishing Roots course and the 7 steps Zoe has used refer to our online course athttp://courses.youbeingyou.org/courses/nourishing-roots